He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
