Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
