Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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