I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
