He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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