I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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