if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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