I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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