i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
