Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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