my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ketchup is God's man juice
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
