Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
