im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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