I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
