On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
