i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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