yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
