He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
