remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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