Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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