I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
