I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
