"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
