You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
