What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
