i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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