Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
