I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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