ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
