In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
