I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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