Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck appropriateness.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
