We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
