Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
