Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
