He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
