thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
