i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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