the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
