I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
