What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
