dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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