Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
