I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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