Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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