i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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