Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
