If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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