maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
