Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
