Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
