I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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