I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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