its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
