In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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