there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
