I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
