I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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