just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
