one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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