omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you traded sex for a burrito?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
