found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
