Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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