if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
